January 20th, 2009

More like a father…and feeling more guilty


It was a relatively warm weekend (10degree…how fast your expectation of “warm” changes :-). So we spend the weekend with the kids; playing with their scooters and electric automobile in the garden and shopping/dinning in the nearby mall.

Out of the blue, my wife said to me that I am beginning to behave “more like a father”.

Reflecting on her comments, I feel quite guilty. I spend most part of Yauyau babyhood away from her (Malaysia and Indonesia) and then I spend most part of Shern Ley babyhood away from him (US and China). Even on the times I was in Singapore, I spend most of my days running from meetings to meetings and will be home quite late. The only times I really spend with them is the few weekends I am in Singapore, which is not much.

My wife never grumble of my traveling, and always supportive. I feel very blessed and thankful to know she is behind me on this. Many friends in similar situation as me are amazed by my wife tolerance (she is rather independent and all she really asked for is a broadband and a warcraft subscription. Very easy to satisfy :-).

But still it does not eliminate my guiltiness and looking back, insisting them to come over to China with me was a good decision. For my kids; Yauyau love her school so much that she said she don’t want to go back Singapore after first day; but also our family; that I spending more time with them that I am starting to plan family trip within China (something my wife never thought I would ever do cos my idea of a vacation is “sleeping in bed”).

I feel extremely guilty this morning. Three of them, lying in bed, weak from diarrohea and vomiting, and I am packing my bags for Wuhan and Beijing. More importantly, unlike in Singapore where I know the in-laws would be able to take care of them, there would be no one over here.

Our “aiyi” left this morning to spend Chinese New Year with her family but luckily our driver is still around so I asked him to keep an eye on them this morning. (He told me of his old village remedy for diarrohea, extracting from fat in the chicken stomach, grill them and down it with water…*gump*)

Still, I don’t feel quite good about it.

But my wife say “Don’t worry, I am strong enough today.”.

Obviously she wasn’t and made me feel even more guilty :-(